Birb Master
Sky
Crests are to blame
Posts: 855
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Post by Sky on Feb 16, 2019 6:46:17 GMT 11
fylisfeWith your recent post in my journey, I loved the way you incorporated all the Hoothoot fighting over their meal which was a Wurmple as it was previously caught by Amaryllis. Their expressions of anger were very enjoyable to read and overall, I loved the encounter. It was very imaginative and well put together, I can't imagine a better scenario than this one!
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Tarlar
Cap Queen
Posts: 28,301
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Post by Tarlar on Feb 16, 2019 9:42:25 GMT 11
#11: Well, well, well. Where to start. I'm impressed how well you have done your "homework" by reading the story beforehand, I like how you keep Rolands personality going and don't hesitate to build up on his backstory, and I like how you both kept the feeling of danger by letting their be at least one ariados and plenty of spinaraks, without risking it to be a hoarde battle with way too many opponents I'd wish Astrid could continue the conversation but the spinaraks don't really make that an option, hehe. But you have made me even more curious about the stories of these npc's ^^ Only thing I'm lacking is that Roland didn't answer Astrid's direct command to him, but I'll just assume he agreed on that. #9 Nice short posts where there isn't happening much, but you still give a good feeling of the personality of the sentret, and uses the environment. #7 I like the battle description and how the slowliness of the hoothoot was made due to it slipping instead. #6 you are using the environment really well here and both getting Sigurd down within range of the wurmple, and showing that he perhaps isn't the most skilled fighter yet. #5 I like the description from the sentrets point of view, finding the trainer and the charmander weird looking.
And then I'd like some feedback myself. Better late than never. I'd like to know how I did with describing how Araceli felt with the poisoning and Astrid with her worry and fear she is not good enough. I always find such things hard to write, I have a clear idea and feeling of it but can't really put it into words. Any suggestions on what could be done differently or ideas in general to describe things like that?
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antonius
What is my focus? Who do I want to be? Is anything I write\say worth while?
Posts: 2,373
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Post by antonius on Jan 15, 2022 8:41:18 GMT 11
Here is my latest thread. It is introducing my second character Selenia. Her and Anton have a history when they were in high school\academy. I'll warn you my second post is a bit long. I'm hoping this will help flush out both characters especially Anton.
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